10 000 B.C.

10,000 BC Review

Roland Emmerich, that purveyor of spectacle, seems determined to take his place at the head of the table of a club whose membership includes that other proponent of style over substance, Michael Bay. Like Bay, Emmerich seems to be walking a fine line in an uncanny valley. "Independence Day" still holds enough charm and appeal to be considered a guilty pleasure. "The Day After Tomorrow" however was so disposable that it should have come packaged with a 'Keep Britain Tidy' sticker. And so Emmerich tries to recapture some of his early 90's verve by returning to familiar territory - lost civilizations and social upheaval in "10,000 BC".

In "10,000 BC" we find ourselves, against all historical evidence to the contrary, amongst a nomadic tribe - their lives dictated by the mystic ramblings of a village elder and the migratory patterns of the great woolly mammoth. In to their midst comes a frightened child, her mother seemingly killed by 'four-legged demons'. As the elder predicted - this blue-eyed child, Evolet, will determine the fate of the tribe, or more specifically, the fate of the one who shall steal her heart and thus lead the people against the 'demons' and their almighty leader (which seems like quite the hassle just to get the girl!). So, D'leh, a young hunter burdened by the betrayal of his father years before, and under the guidance of the chieftain Tic Tic ("and the award for the silliest name goes to….") takes up the challenge for the sake of love and a side order of redemption. But, alas, Evolet is stolen away by the demons (no more than a barbarian raiding party). D'leh and Tic Tic, following the elders prophecy, go off in search of Evolet…along the way D'leh incites a popularist revolt, tries his hand at a bit of regicide and even has time for a little heart-to-heart with a Sabretooth tiger.

"10,000 BC" is an epic disaster of a movie. It goes without saying that the effects are great, if few and far between, but we've become accustomed to as much from Emmerich. Despite these visual flourishes, this mess errs on the wrong side of that uncanny valley. Emmerich's screenplay, co-wrote with the help of his partner-in-crime and composer Harold Kloser, is quite lamentable trading as it does in the worst kind of Saturday matinee cheese. Not withstanding this obvious failing the blame should be evenly spread throughout the relatively unknown cast - note to producers; 'why not spend a little less on the effects and instead hire in some bankable stars?' Camilla Belle as Evolet is horribly miscast - looking every inch the Malibu princess in pre-historic peril whilst occasionally flashing those pearly blues and throwing the odd distressed look (like she can't find her way to the nearest Starbucks). Steven Strait (D'leh) tries a touch harder to impress - even delivering some gruff lines well. Kurt Russell he ain't though. Oddly you get the impression that Emmerich realises the travesty of it all about two thirds of the way in and falls back on his sci-fi hit "Stargate" for inspiration. The final reel offers a nice line in pat mysticism and astrology hinting at 'travellers from the stars'. It's only when D'leh and his crew lead the charge against the God King that things start to hot up. But by then your interest has long since fossilised and you prey that Emmerich waits another 10,000 years before repeating such a folly.