King Arthur - Directors Cut Review

You'd have thought that when the man behind mega smash "Pirates of the Caribbean" got his hands on such a stonkingly good British tale as King Arthur, it'd be a guaranteed box office bonanza. But so misguided, miserable and uninspired is uberproducer Jerry Bruckheimer's stab at the medieval saga that not even Keira Knightley doing her best pout while dressed in a teeny leather bikini can save it. Supposedly based on 'recently discovered archaeological evidence,' Bruckheimer and co transform the Arthur of legend into a conscripted Roman commander who, along with his men, want nothing more than to get the hell out of such a far-flung outpost of the empire cursed with dodgy weather. But when they're sent on one last mission to save a Roman family from an impending Viking attack, Arthur and his men happen along a not unattractive native named Guinevere who sets about persuading Arthur to help her people fight the evil Vikings in any way she can.

It wouldn't matter so much that the plot is almost a carbon copy of director Antoine Fuqua's highly forgettable flick of last year "Tears of the Sun," if even one of the film's other elements was also up to scratch. With the exception of a frozen lake showdown, the battles are devoid of either guts or excitement, the tale's traditional love triangle is reduced to Lancelot lustily glancing Guinevere's way and most importantly of all, there's a big gaping hole where Arthur should be thanks to Clive Owen's remarkably vacant performance. If you really do have to go and see this movie, expect no shining armour, no romance and definitely no magic.